life. in china. captured through the eyes of a nomad named jen.

according to a celebrity face reconigtion site, i look most like former british boy band member, Mark Owen of TAKE THAT!

lovely. and second up, lisa ling. my gf emily was rated to look most like lisa ling. nice. either all us asians really do look alike, or this site is dire need of more asian celebrity photos in their photo bank. i would like to think it’s the latter.

Jennai97: do i look skinny?
Jennai97: i’m wearing my new earrings
Jennai97: from the flea market
Wise38: yes, you look great, what did you give chijia then?
Jennai97: i gave her the book
Jennai97: and emboidered cloth bag
Jennai97: do you like my new earrings?
Wise38: yes
Jennai97: for one dolla
Wise38: you did not wear bra?
Jennai97: i did
Jennai97: did u see picture number two?
Wise38: no
Jennai97: haha i sent
Wise38: you look like an idot retarded, told you not to pose like that
Jennai97: HAHAHAHAHAH
Wise38: don’t ever show him.
Jennai97: but he was posing too
Jennai97: then i was a fish and he was fishing
Jennai97: do u want to see?
Wise38: don’t email him this pic ever
Jennai97: hahahha
Wise38: show me the next one

i don’t look like a id(i)ot retarded do i? i think i’m a cute moosey. and i hope my new crush thinks so too! tee hee ta ha.

Sorry for having a black friend. Sorry for having a white friend, two of them. Sorry for having a Sri Lankan friend.

If I had all ten of my Chinese cousins stay with me for a bit while they were visiting Beijing, you would not have gone to the popo. You would not have batted an eyelash.

But, somehow having non-Chinese visitors in my flat disturbs you. Yeah they might be a bit wacky. They sing Coming to America and do splits in the middle of the floor. They shake it, shake it, shake it like a poloraid camera. Yet, they did not do this in your presence, they did not even do it in my flat. They were quiet as can be, respectful, saying hello, ni how to the children. Really, I don’t know what they could have done to have irked you. Except for not having yellow skin. 

So now, because you complained about the lao wai to the police, I have to pay a “rental tax”, five percent of my monthly rent to the local government beureau. If you didn’t complain, they wouldn’t have cared/known that this tax wasn’t paid. But you did and now I do.

Thanks a bunch. You know, I could complain to the police that:

1) I have to walk around having to hear you hack spit at 60 mph.

2) You almost stole my new black plant pot that I had put downstairs for one second while bringing up my other stuff. If I didn’t catch you while coming back down, you would have left with it. You may be old. You may walk backwards, but you my old man, are sketch!

3) You my upstairs neighbors, think its okay to renovate your apartment seven days a week starting at 8am? Well the law says that you aren’t supposed to do it on the weekends so that people like me can sleep till noon. But, I don’t go running to the popo, do i?

4) Your high school children sit in front of my complex, stradling each other and making out for hours on end.

I can go on and on, but I grin and bear it because I am accepting of your culture, your customs, your daily habits.

So, why can’t you be accepting of my friends, their skin, their curly hair, their bad armpit odor (inside joke)?

I just don’t get it………………..I would be more understanding if we lived in a small village out in the middle of rural China. But, this is Beijing! There are tons of foreigners just walking down the street outside our complex!

Monday, China Monday.

sigh…………………………

girls in china like to wear shoes with pantyhose socks. in the summer time they do it. even with sandals. they will be like all stylin with a trendy top, skinny jeans, a pair of rocking open-toed sandals and dum da dum dum, pantyhose socks!

why? why ? why?

not only do they look like their grandmas (who can get away with it because afterall their tits are already sagging to their waists, no need to impress), but pantyhose socks are fucking traps for all types of fungal odors.

till today, i was very happy that the girls in my office knew better. sure they might wear the same outfit everyday, three days in a row (works for me as long as they don’t smell, and hey it lets me get away with putting on the same jean skirt for the second time in the same week), but they wore their outfits sans panty hose socks. thank god.

however, just now my nose started detecting some foul smell coming up from underneath my table somewhere. the first suspect was moi. i took off my shoe and it didn’t make me cringe. wasn’t me.

but then I spotted IT.

my coworkers feet with pantyhose socks on. and her shoes off.

I just immed my fellow ABC friend for advice. she responded “bring air freshener or a plug in or put tiger balm on yourself to repel the smell.”

i’m thinking its just a bit too obvious to go squirt squirt squirt with an air freshener. so, note to self: bring tiger balm.

PS- remember my post on ChingChong candor? well this odor offending coworker told me last friday, i have pimples on my forehead (as if i didn’t realize already, the bad effects of pollution on my skin). can’t i give her a taste of my chingChong candor and tell her that her feet smells like rotton eggs and to keep her shoes on or switch to cotton socks? i mean come on! one should be able to save my tiger balm for headaches and mosquito bites. really.

hahaha-this just in. motherchu just told me to tell my coworker to keep her shoes on.

latest development - my boss just walked in and fanned his nose, saying yiow wei, yiow wei (there’s a smell, there’s a smell)

see, i’m not exagerrating. pantyhose socks smell like death. and i listened to my chinese mama. i straight up asked my coworker to put her shoes on. and she did. and now its back to work. yeehaw.

You Belong in London

You belong in London, but you belong in many cities… Hong Kong, San Francisco, Sidney. You fit in almost anywhere. And London is diverse and international enough to satisfy many of your tastes. From curry to Shakespeare, London (almost) has it all!

london, i heart you. london, i miss you.

my perfect dream: meeting a hot british boy in beijing. marrying him, getting EU citizenship and commuting between beijing and london and san francisco. tee hee.

man i miss that tune. back in the year of 2000. now reeeeewind to weekend of August 24, 2006.

Here’s some pics of my recent business trip to Hong Kong to learn all about Corporate Social Responsiblity.

Me and Alison, my capicorn LSE friend and America’s top model, Season 1- Elyse at a jewelry launch

here we are dressed up for a theme party at some club. i like being suzy wong.

do you likey me as suzy?

i am suzy, hear me roar! meow.

here’s us eating some grubbing yum yum veggie dim sum! yes. i made them.

See, I was being socially responsible all weekend!!

today, in a flash summer has been swapped for fall. the sky is blue with whispy white clouds! hurrah! and there has been a constant cool breeze blowing through, momentarily making beijing appear to a city sans pollution (if only). last nite, i should have known a new season was coming into effect. the man who sells me my water and telephone card, was fully dressed. it was weird to see him in a t-shirt. a polo shirt at that. usually, he was half naked, sweaty, and bared a pot belly that gave the smiling buddha a run for his money.

funny enough,the only thing i miss about summer are the pot bellies that appeared when the humidity rose to unberable levels. most men who didn’t have the luxury of conducting business like half naked man, coped with the heat by rolling up their shirts just enough to expose and air out their big ol belly. some combined the “look at me, my belly is bigger than yours” look with the one pant rolled up look.

if you think east coast rap stars started that trend, you are wrong my friend. i have a feeling chinese guys have been rolling up their one pant leg starting back when they had to wear pants under their chang san-long shirts. daym, i wish i had pictures to illustrate beijing fashion at its best. this is why i miss bellies for Beijing Bellies was to be my first photo expose about my new city. i don’t have a belly fetish, really (although they seem fun to slap). but now it looks that time has passed. sad. i also miss my more voluminous hair. without the humidity, my hair is flatter and thinner. boo.

anyway, i hope the weather stays this nice for a while. i’ve heard as soon as fall comes, winter is just around the corner. and beijing is one cold ass mother#$%.